Elephant - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4
These are some of the best elephant jokes in the world.
What's grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine!
What do an elephant and a car have in common?
They both have trunks!
What's grey and highly dangerous?
An elephant with a machine gun!
What's as big as an elephant but doesn't weigh anything?
An elephant's shadow.
What's big and grey and has 16 wheels?
An elephant on roller
skates!
How do you get an elephant to the top of an oak tree?
Plant an acorn under him and wait 50 years.
What if I don't want to wait 50 years?
Put a parachute on the elephant and drop him from an elecopter.
Why does an elephant take a shower?
Because he can't fit in the bathtub!
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?
An elephant in a lift!
What's
grey, has a wand,
huge wings and gives money to elephants?
The tusk fairy!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
An elephant with spare
parts!
What's
grey
but turns
red?
An embarrassed
elephant!
What's
grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby
elephant!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches
the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let
out a little wine!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over
Australia!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and
the other one week!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
Trunkquilizers!
Why are elephants
grey?
So you can tell them
from flamingos!
Elephant Keeper: "My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?
" Zoo Keeper: "No, all
the doctors I know are people!"
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the
only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and
waits till autumn!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to
hide in the colouring box!
What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?
One rarely bites and
the other barely writes!
How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?
Try picking them up!
What's the difference
between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 3,000 miles!
Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don't
know how to cook!
What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
Cold ones!
How do you fit five elephants into a car?
Two in the front, two
in the back and the other in the glove compartment!
How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he
got in!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would
look silly carrying suitcases!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?
An animal that tells
you everything that it remembers!
What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old?
Six weeks old!
What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
This is the end of me!
Policeman: "One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle."
Zoo Keeper: "Nonsense,
none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!"
Why do the elephants have short tails?
Because they can't
remember long stories!
How to you keep an elephant in suspense?
I'll tell you
tomorrow!
"Dad, Mum is fighting with an enormous elephant in the garden!"
"Don't worry dear, I'm
sure the elephant can look after itself!"
My elephants got no trunk?
How does it smell?
Terrible!
What do elephants sing at christmas?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants... Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus!
How do you hire an elephant?
Stand it on four
bricks!
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant?
Get a tame one and
annoy it!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Here come the elephants!
Why is an elephant braver than a hen?
Because the elephant isn't chicken!
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Raining elephants!
How are elephants and hippopotanuses alike?
Neither can play basketball!
How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?
Take away it's credit cards!
What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed?
Out of the way!
How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a fork lift truck!
What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
On television!
Why don't elephants
like playing cards in the jungle?
Because of all the cheetahs!
What do you call a elephant that never washes?
A smellyphant!
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Teacher:"To which family does the elephant belong?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"
How do you spell elephant?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t
"That's not how the dictionary spells it"
"You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!"
Teacher: "Name six wild animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions!"
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an
elephant."?
Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.." Why do elephants do
well in school?
Because they have a lot of
grey matter!
What do you call an
elephant with a machine gun?
Sir!
What can an elephant with a machine gun call you?
Anything he likes!
What do you call an elephant that's small and pink?
A failure!
What is stronger an elephant or a snail?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk!
What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room!
Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on vines"
"Really?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"
What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
You would miss most of the film!
What steps would you take if you were being chased by an elephant?
Big ones!
What do you find in an elephants graveyard?
Elephantoms!
Why do elephants have wrinkly ankes?
Because their shoes are too tight!
A man was sprinkling some white powder on his lawn.
"Why are you doing that?
" asked his neighbour
"It's to keep the elephants off the grass", he replied.
"But we don't get elephants round here!"
"I know - good stuff isn't it!"
What do you call someone with an elephant on their head?
Squashed!
What is an elephants favorite film?
Elephantasia What do elephants say as a compliment?
You look elephantastic!
What do you do with old cannon balls?
Give them to elephants to use as marbles!
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!
Why did the elephant
walk on two feet?
To give the ants a chance!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they've no pockets to put things in!
Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain?
To stop getting wet!
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill
towards him wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them!
When do elephants have 8 feet?
When there are two of them!
What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!
Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
Why shouldn't you take
an elephant to the zoo?
Because he'd rather go to the movies!
What's blue and has big ears?
An elephant at the North Pole!
What's
grey and lights up?
An electric elephant!
What's big and
grey and protects you from the rain?
An umbrellaphant!
What do you do with a green elephant?
Wait till it ripens!
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You
know you really need help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"
What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back!
Why are elephants wiser than chickens?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant?!
What do you call an elephant that can't add?
Dumbo!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why was the elephant standing on the marshmallow?
He didn't want to fall in the hot chocolate!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What is big, gray and wears glass slippers?
Cinderellaphant!
How is a flee different than an elephant?
An elephant can have flees but a flee can't have elephants!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a peanut butter sandwich?
Either a sandwich that never forgets, or an elephant that sticks to the
roof of your mouth!!
Why did the elephant break the bottle?
Because he wanted to get out!
How do you get an elephant down from an oak tree?
Tell him to sit on a leaf and wait until autumn.
Why are alligators long and flat?
They must have gotten too close to the oak tree.
What do you call an elephant takes a bite out of the computer?
A mega-byte!
How can you get 5 elephants in a Volkswagen?
Put 2 in the front seat and 3 in the back.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries!
Why are elephants big and gray?
Because if they were small and
red
they would be apples.
How do you know peanuts are fattening?
Because you never see a skinny elephant!
What is big, gray, and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant.
What's gray, has big ears and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation!!!
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.
Why are elephants large,
grey, and wrinkley?
If they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirin.
How do you know there's an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's an elephant in the oven?
You can't shut the door.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
How do you know there's an elephant under your bed?
Your head touches the ceiling.
What's the
red
stuff between elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.
Why does an elephant paint his toenails yellow?
So he can hide upside down in a custard bowl.
How can you tell an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?
You can smell the peanut butter from his breath!
How do you know when an elephant is under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling!
What is gray, has big ears and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation!!
Why were the two elephants thrown off the beach?
Because between them they only had a single pair of trunks.
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new one!
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