Why do dogs wag their tails?
Because no one else will do it for them!
How do dogs turn off the VCR?
By hitting the paws button!
Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
Because he kept seeing spots.
What is the cat's favorite TV show?
The evening mews!
What looks like half a cat?
The other half!
Why did the cat cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk
Why are birds poor?
Because money doesn't grow on trees.
What do you get when an elephant sneezes?
Get out of the way!
Why would anyone hire an elephant?
Because they like to work for peanuts.
What did the banana say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing...bananas don't talk!
Do fish ever go on vacation?
No, they're always in schools!
Where do fish sleep?
In a water bed!
What happened to the frog when he parked on double yellow lines?
He got toad away.
Where do frogs take notes?
On lily pads!
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Why should you never tell a pig a secret?
Because they love to squeal!
What do you give a pig with a rash?
Oinkment!
Why couldn't the pony talk?
Because he was a little hoarse.
Who always goes to bed with shoes on?
A horse.
How do you make a monkey laugh?
Tell it an elephant joke!
What do bees call their spouses?
"Honey."
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit and an insect?
Bugs Bunny!
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!
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